Babies

So I know it's taken me a while to blog, but I just wanted to write a few thoughts about having twins. Finding out we are having twins was the biggest shock I have ever had. They don't run in our families, and I never really thought about the possibility.  I think I've said things in the past like "I think twins would be fun" or "Having twins would be so crazy and hard" but I never felt the need to knock on wood or anything, because I didn't think there was any chance of it happening to me. Although, in the weeks prior to our first ultrasound, the thought of twins had popped into my head quite a bit. I don't know if it was just the normal thoughts people have before seeing their first ultrasound, or if it was more than most people think about it, but it was just kind of a fantasy and not any kind of 'feeling' that I was having two. I thought about how we would announce it. I was thinking of running a race and wearing some kind of 'running for two' shirt, and then I thought that if it was twins, it would say 'running for three'. And I thought about telling our parents by mailing a card that said "Congratulations on grandchild number 16..." and in the inside, "...and number 17!" with an ultrasound picture. But it seemed like more of just my imagination coming up with pretend scenarios, and not an actual possibility. (We actually did make those cards for our parents, but since we found out on the Friday before Easter, we just showed it to them over skype so it could be an Easter surprise. . . we announced our pregnancy with Collin on Easter 2 years ago too). 

I was much more relaxed about this pregnancy at first, since I'd already done it before. I wasn't as diligently reading pregnancy books or looking for info online every day like I was the first time. I was totally planning for an easy, low-stress pregnancy where I was going to keep running til the very end (a race per trimester was the plan! haha).

So when we went in for our 8-week ultrasound, we were excited but nervous. As my doctor started the ultrasound, I had the same normal fears (what if something is wrong? what if there is no baby at all and I'm just imagining that I'm pregnant? and, since we had watched "Make Room for Multiples" on TLC the day before, my last thought was, what if there's more than one?). Rob and Collin were with me. The image quickly settled on a baby, and I could see something else in the side that looked like another baby. My doctor scanned back and forth and I kept seeing two. My mind was going crazy. Rob saw too. Ultrasounds can be confusing to read so I didn't dare say anything because I could have been wrong about what I was seeing, and I just waited for the doctor to confirm. She finally started saying something like "Oh! Well, guess what guys. . . " and we just knew. We still waited for her to say it though. The next several minutes were a blur of shock, disbelief, and feeling like the luckiest people in the world. It was one life moment I wish I could relive, because it was such a huge and life-changing surprise.

The first thing I remember thinking about was how gigantic I would get, probably realizing the immediate crazy truth that there were two growing babies inside me. Rob said he was thinking more of the realities of having two babies and how difficult it would be. My doctor told us some things about twin pregnancy afterwards and said "you guys aren't going to remember any of this, but I'll say it anyway" and she was right. We went home and I was just shaky the rest of the day. We couldn't think about anything else; Rob even completely forgot an appointment he'd had for later that day. But we were so happy and just looking at our two little babies in the ultrasound picture was the best thing ever.

8 weeks, the day we found out about our twins.

During the first trimester, I was sicker than with Collin, but still no throwing up. I just had that familiar feeling of not being able to tell if I was extremely hungry, full, sick, or what. I couldn't think of any food in the world that sounded appealing, yet I was starving. Also very tired. Mornings were fine. I could go to the gym and do all my normal things, but then I'd take a nap with Collin (I still do, every day. I need it) and wake up feeling sick the rest of the afternoon and evening.  I ate a lot of cereal, and greek yogurt cups. Interestingly, even though most of my cravings were sugary treats, I could not eat chocolate, and still have a pretty low chocolate tolerance. I could eat a little bit of sweet milk chocolate or a chocolate pudding, but anything rich (chocolate chip cookies, brownies, chocolate frosting) was repulsive to me. I'm not complaining, I wouldn't mind if that aversion is permanent. (I don't know if I'll ever eat a piece of that huge Costco chocolate cake again.) 

Though I thought I'd be more relaxed about this pregnancy, being immediately classified as a "high-risk" pregnancy put me right back into crazy worry mode. Everything about it was new again, so I started reading and searching for twin pregnancy information. And my pregnancy worries were at least doubled now. My worries have still never been focused on the difficulties of taking care of twins; my worries are just getting them here safe and healthy. People always ask if I'm scared to have twins, and when I think about it, I know it will be harder than I could ever imagine, but those worries are nothing compared to my concern that they will both be healthy. It is funny how we weren't planning to have two babies, but now that we know about them, we want both of them so badly. I felt so much anxiety before each appointment and so much relief when both were still okay.

I didn't grow very quickly at first and a lot of people commented that I hardly looked pregnant, or that it didn't look like I could be having twins. Then somehow, over the last few weeks, I suddenly grew a belly really quickly! I really noticed it when we were in Salt Lake, and I was between 20 and 21 weeks. I had lots of round ligament pain and the clothes I brought for the week-long vacation no longer fit. I'm not even going to say how much weight I gained in the 2 weeks between appointments. I grew so suddenly, and it was a little bit uncomfortable! I actually started feeling very pregnant- light headed, no energy at all, feet starting to swell, unable to walk long distances- and I have the feeling it will keep going that way :)

16 weeks

21 weeks! And this picture doesn't even do it justice.

We had our big ultrasound at 18 weeks where we found out that our babies are identical boys! I think we were both kind of expecting boys. This puts the streak at 11 boys in a row on the Grothaus side, and 10 boys in a row on the Grimmer side! We had a little gender celebration with a few friends from our complex that night. They all wore the color(s) of their prediction and came over to see that the treats were all blue!

I was debating whether to write anything about this, but I guess it has been the biggest thing on our mind lately. At our ultrasound, the babies looked great, but they discovered that they had uneven amounts of amniotic fluid, which is a warning sign for Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome. Basically my biggest fear for our twins since I had read about it. This is where the twins share a placenta and parts of their circulatory systems, and the amount of blood they receive is unequal. One gets too much and one gets too little: really dangerous for both. There are possible procedures to help it, but most do not solve the problem and all are high risk. My doctor transferred my care to a specialist at a different hospital and they scheduled me for a very long appointment the next week. Even though we were happy to have seen our baby boys that day, it was overshadowed by our new fears and feelings of dread.

At our appointment, they detected the inequality of fluid but said it was not enough to be diagnosed as a stage of TTTS yet. The doctor went over each stage, it all sounding pretty horrific, and basically said there's no way to tell what will happen. It could stay the same, it could progress very slowly, or it could progress very quickly, and that all we could do was monitor it closely.

We made our trip to Salt Lake City during Rob's break, and had our next appointment the morning after we got back (on Thursday, at 21 weeks). The difference in fluid levels had increased, and though it was still not enough to be diagnosed as stage 1, it was very close now. One baby had 2.4 cm of fluid and the other had 9.4.  They told us that Stage 1 starts when the levels are 2cm and 10cm. So now we are just waiting to see what happens and going in for ultrasounds every week. We are praying that it won't reach a dangerous level. The uncertainty of everything is really difficult for me. Though we have this constant dread and worry in the back of our minds, we know that we'll be able to endure whatever trials are ahead, and we have faith that everything will be okay.

Anyway, that's our baby update (finally)!