Last Days of Pregnancy

This Thursday is the big day! I'm scheduled to be induced at 6am. I will be 36 weeks, which is as long as my group of doctors decided I should go. We can't believe we have made it this far-- for a long time, it sounded like having extremely premature babies was a good possibility. I remember when we were glad that we'd made it to 28 weeks. We are so grateful that our babies have had so much more time to grow and develop! Just one of the countless miracles we've had with this pregnancy.

So you'd think that since we've had months of knowing that our babies could come at any time, that we'd be totally ready. Actually, I think all that time of uncertainty made it harder to realize that it was ever really going to happen. All plans were tentative for so long. So it was a little shocking to finally have an actual date, and to realize how soon we are going to have our babies. 

We're nervous to see how everything will go. I'm not nervous about the delivery part, but I'm nervous to see how the babies will do. I've requested extra monitoring and ultrasounds while I'm in labor because there are a few added risks with my babies. I'm nervous to see if there will be any complications, and whether I'll end up having a c-section. The threshold for them doing a c-section is very low-- if anything at all is weird, they'll do one. And, 36 weekers are still premature, so we're nervous about how our babies will do and whether they'll need to be in the NICU. Most 36 week babies don't need much, if any, NICU time, but our babies may be a special case. Even now, when things have been looking much better than we ever expected, I can't just suddenly stop worrying. So we're anxious to see how everything will go, and excited to finally meet our babies.

Since I'm in my last few days of being pregnant with twins, I thought I should try to record what it feels like. It's easy to forget and I'm pretty sure I won't ever have this opportunity again. 

Emotionally, this pregnancy has definitely been a rollercoaster of surprise, excitement, worries, and stress. It's been hard to really understand our babies' situation with TTTS and so many things were uncertain for so long, so it's been hard to explain simple questions. For example, "When are you due?" is the most basic question ever, but I wasn't sure how to give a simple answer. November 14th is the 40 week due date, but I knew from the start it wouldn't be November. So I'd usually say "sometime in October", though we figured the babies would more likely be here in August or September. Or, when we were waiting to see how the TTTS would progress, we hadn't told many people about it. So when people would make small talk and ask how the babies were doing, we had to decide whether to say "fine", which felt like a lie, or whether to explain the many horrible details of this problem they were potentially developing. It's been hard to find a balance between downplaying/ oversimplifying the situation and being negative or dramatic about everything. 

I've also been a little unsure about where my level of activity should be, and a little self conscious too. Some have told me that I should be on bedrest and that anything I do will put me right into labor and put my babies at major risk. And then I've also heard that bedrest itself doesn't prevent preterm labor, and it's unnecessary unless you've been given instructions by your doctor. My doctors have never suggested bedrest, just decreased activity and listening to my body. So that's what I've been doing, and I feel different levels of energy from day to day. So, I've felt self conscious that people might think I'm lazy when I feel unable to do something easy. Or if someone who thinks I should be on bedrest sees me out shopping or at the zoo, they'll think I'm being reckless. I'm sure no one thinks those things--I think it's just myself questioning what exactly I should be doing. If anything, I feel like I've been on the cautious side- still doing normal things like grocery shopping and things around the house, but napping every day and resting when I feel tired. 

Physically, this pregnancy has been different from my first, but not as much as I expected. A few things that have been a little different:

• Size- Some people say I don't look like I'm having twins at all, but then a few strangers have asked me if I'm having twins. I guess I feel big, but not as big as I expected I would get. I only have a few maternity shirts left that are long enough to cover my belly. 
• My belly button sticks out a little- that didn't happen with my first pregnancy.
• I feel lots of movement and I can usually tell which baby is moving. The movements seem more defined, like a tiny elbow sticking up and moving around. 
• And one evening I noticed that both had the hiccups at the same time. They'd take turns, on the left and right sides of my belly. 
• My feet and hands have recently started to swell, but nowhere near as bad as it was for months with Collin. Just a little bit of pitting edema this time (With Collin, you could grab my calf and it would leave a handprint for several minutes). Possibly because I've been off my feet a lot more this time around.
• I think I've discovered what it means to really crave things during this pregnancy. I had really strong cravings in the first trimester. One that stands out to me is salsa con queso with tortilla chips. I truly needed them one day and had Rob go get me some. It was literally the only food in the world I could think of that was appealing, and I was starving. After that day, I've never wanted that nasty stuff again.
• I crave non-food smells. Especially tires! I'll just suddenly out of nowhere get a strong urge to go to a tire store and smell the tires. Also new shoes or gasoline. I've always liked these smells, but I've never craved them before! The smell of exhaust was even appealing to me the other day. 
• I've been having irregular contractions for months. They're sometimes uncomfortable, but not too bad. Lately, when I get a contraction, my face feels hot and I feel pressure going through my ears and head.
• It's hard to maneuver my body, and I can't do a lot of walking or standing. At grocery stores, I frequently have to lean on the shopping cart or find a place to sit. I can't go places alone with Collin because I can't chase after him very well. 

35 Weeks

In general, I don't feel too bad. It's been really nice to have Rob home more than usual to help. Fortunately, I've been able to sleep well at night and take naps, do some fun things with family, and get the things done that I need. 

We're excited to be seeing our babies so soon!