Three boys

I just wanted to write a little about what life has been like lately in this chaotic but precious stage of life we are in. I think people assume that the hardest part of having twins would be the newborn stage, but I'd say the last year (age 18 months to 2.5 years) has rivaled the baby stage. I really don't think there is anything like having two 2-year olds. Plus the 4 year old added to the mix. I want to remember what the past year was like and what life has been like with twin toddlers. Not to complain about the stressful times, but to remember. Certain things were really difficult and that's the reality! I know these days won't last forever (my boys are already growing and maturing!) and I know that someday we will see the humor in the craziness.
A few of the things that stand out:

Leaving the house with the boys- something that is important to me, but also something I regularly vow to never do again. I like to have a schedule full of outings and playdates. On days when our outings are successful, I feel productive and invincible and it's all worth the effort. Half the time, though, our mornings go like this:
After feeding breakfast, start the dressing process. Remove pajamas from twins. One or both tantrums for 20 minutes demanding to put the pjs back on. Change a diaper while being kicked in the face. Repeat. Try to convince them to put their day clothes on for another 20 minutes. Finally resort to just holding them and putting the clothes on while they resist and scream. Set them free and watch as they take off their pants. Say "Forget it! We're not going anywhere. Ever again!" Realize that no one cares. But I really did need to go somewhere, so I keep trying to put the pants back on. Remind Collin 15 times to get dressed until he does. Find 6 shoes and put them on 6 kicking feet. Start heading for the car and realize someone (or two) just pooped. Change diapers, dress again, and open the car doors in the garage. Twins jump in and run to the back of the car, and refuse to come to their car seats. Try to coax them out, but they don't budge. Say "Never mind! We're staying home. Forever!!" and walk back inside. Realize no one cares except me. Come back to the garage, open the hatch, and pull out a struggling boy and buckle him in his seat. Repeat. Finally get on the road!

Being in public with all three. Last year, I pushed my double stroller everywhere I went with a boy in each seat and one sitting on the top. Somewhere around 18 months, the twins absolutely refused to sit in it without major tantrums, so by the end of our outings I would be trying to push Collin in that huge thing with a struggling toddler on each hip. So we ditched the stroller and tried to teach hand holding. That wasn't happening. I'd usually end up with a twin in each arm, telling Collin to hold onto one of their feet while we walked. Fortunately, Collin did a great job of staying close to me. The twins, however, liked to bolt the minute they were put down. I felt like a circus sometimes and got lots of comments about having my hands full. The places we could go without Rob were limited. No grocery stores, only certain parks, only certain houses, and. . .

The library deserves its own paragraph. I've been taking the boys to story time whenever possible since we lived in Portland, then Port Orchard, and so when we moved to Puyallup and knew nothing about the town, it was the first thing I looked up. It's always been an important part of our weekly routine. Though the library here seemed like a good one, I left that place in tears way too many times. The first time was when there was no story time, so we just went to check out books and check out the kids section, which was a good one. Most likely, it was hard to get everyone ready and out the door, and then out of the car and into the stroller to get there, but we did it because it is important to me to bring my kids to the library. We made it inside and I let the boys out of the stroller, but Truman started crying so I grabbed one of his favorite books and tried to frantically read to him to calm him down. It wasn't working and he was still fussing. If Truman was my only child, I would have quickly brought him back into the hall. But I had two others who were having fun with the toys, so instead I kept doing my best to distract and calm Truman while making sure the other two were in sight. Until a librarian came over and asked me to leave. "Maybe you can take him home and try again later. . . I mean, I don't want to ask you to leave, but. . ." As if it's a possibility to just quickly leave and "try again later." It took all my effort to just get out the door for this trip, and it was all a waste and I was humiliated. So I put fussing Truman in the stroller which made him scream, chased down Elliott, who didn't want to leave, so he screamed, and grabbed disappointed Collin and made my extremely loud exit while everyone stared. Yet, I refused to let that experience stop me from bringing my kids to the library, so the next week we went back to try again. Everyone was happy and doing well in the kids section until the twins discovered the toddler computers. They sat at one and watched images of balloons popping and loved it. They started making excited noises and saying "pop!" Since the rest of the library happened to be silent at that time, and there were two of them, their excited noises sounded loud and I tried to quiet them down. However, being the age of ONE, they hadn't yet grasped the concept of whispering. I tried pulling them away from the computer but that just caused screaming, so I chose the happy noises, figuring that if a library has a large kid's section filled with toys, they must expect a little toddler noise. However, I was wrong and an older librarian came over asking who was making noise, and when she saw that it was the twins, she started lecturing them. "Boys, we need to use our inside voices, blah blah blah. . . " A bunch of stuff they did not understand whatsoever. I tried my best to keep them quiet (as if keeping two toddlers silent is something that is actually physically possible) or find other activities for them, but the second they made any (age appropriate) noise, librarians everywhere glared at me. The last straw was when Collin became upset about a toy and started crying. Glares everywhere. I knew it was time to leave. I started to try to calm Collin when another librarian came over and asked what was going on. I told her I was just trying to leave. She said, "How can I help expedite that? Because it's hard to hear at the help desk." Okay, apparently this library has never had an upset child in it before. But it's not like I could just pick up and leave. I had to calm Collin. I had to gather the twins who were running off between aisles of books and buckle them into a stroller as they struggled and as everyone stared. Another loud exit, this time with tears streaming down my face. I'd never felt more unwelcome somewhere before, even after all the work of getting there and all the effort of keeping track of them and trying to keep them quiet. If I could go back to that time, I might tell myself not to worry about going to the library, that it wouldn't always be so difficult and that I should just wait a year until the boys were older. But, I kept going anyway because I knew how much my boys loved books and the library and I was glad they loved those things. We didn't have many other places to go to get out of the house. Also I felt a little defiant- this is a public place! There is a huge kid's section! Unless there is a "no children" policy, we should be welcome and those cranky old librarians need to have realistic expectations of small children. Plus, how would they ever learn how to behave in public places if I never brought them there? We mostly stuck to story times after that, which still brought on challenges when everyone else had their single well behaved child sitting in their lap while mine were the ones wandering around, opening cupboards and grabbing things and trying to turn off the lights. Looking back I really don't know if going to the library was worth all the stress and insecurity during that stage of life, but I can say that I didn't give up and the boys all actually do surprisingly well there now most of the time. Ahh I wrote too much about the library, but it really does bring back some of the peak emotions of trying to go places with all three.

The anxiety. Waking up in the middle of the night panicking at the thought of them running away from me in opposite directions . I'm sure any parent of a two year old has fears like this, but having two of them has brought me to the next level of paranoia. I have a hard time trusting other adults with my kids because I don't think they've reached my level of paranoid vigilance- they don't know what my kids are capable of! If there is any lapse in attention or something unsafe to be found, they will take full advantage. I don't worry as much about Collin getting in trouble, but he is still young enough for me to worry about him being safe. I feel like I've been a bit absent socially as well because of anxiety- playdates away from home are never relaxing. I'm always counting heads and only half involved in conversation. Then at nighttime, I replay moments in my head and think about how easily they could have been dangerous. For example, the day I took them to our favorite park (Frontier) and thought the twins were safely playing in the fenced corner of the park. Until I looked closer and it started to look like they were somehow getting to the other side of the tall chain link fence. The side with the barking dog. As I ran closer, I saw that they had found a tiny gap in the fence corner that only a two year old could fit through, and were slipping to the other side of the fence. Fortunately, they came back, but that didn't stop my late night images of dog attacks or finding a way to the street or being abducted while I stood helplessly on the other side of the fence. Or the time when the boys were playing in our little fenced backyard when Collin yelled that the gate opened. I ran out to see that the latch on the gate broke off and allowed it to open. So obviously both twins used that opportunity to slip out and sprint down the road with no looking back. Fortunately they hadn't gotten far, and I caught up to them quickly. But I still check the gate every time I let them play outside. We repaired it well and have never left it open, but I still have to check it.

Trying to make dinner while one boy gets between me and the counter and pushes with all his might to get me away from the counter, while the other is on top of the counter, knocking everything off and coming too close to the knives. Putting forth earnest effort to make healthy, well balanced meals three times a day. Filling three little plates and bringing them to the table, to have two of them immediately thrown on the (carpeted) dining room floor. And on the other hand, feeling guilty when I feed them chicken nuggets for the second time that week because the whole "trying to cook food that will be thrown on the floor" thing is just too overwhelming.

Three children pulling my body in different directions, all crying for attention at once. Not much to explain about this, but just know that this has been a huge part of my daily life.

So much poop. Changing one of the twins' poopy diapers while he thrashes, screams, and kicks me in the face while the other one or two boys are trying to climb on my back, arms wrapped around my neck, choking me. And doing this approximately 6 times a day.

The fighting, biting, name calling, "hate you"s, hitting, and general negative behaviors that are compounded when there are two 2-year-olds at the peak of those phases. They feed off each other. Collin even repeats some of them, even though he knows better, because his brothers are both doing it. Even the twins' running away problem seems to be worse because there are two of them- they don't look back and worry that they're getting too far away from me. They only see each other and get the courage to keep going. They are united in their fearlessness. It brings a whole new set of parenting challenges when it's two against one.

So, those were some of the examples of intense times. There really is nothing like having two 2-year-olds. Despite the craziness that twins bring, we are thankful every day that we get to have this unique life experience. We get to see what it's like for two babies to become toddlers together, and to grow up with a built in best friend. And they really are best friends! When we peek in on them in nursery at church, they are usually right next to each other. If Truman wakes up and Elliott isn't in his bed, the first thing he does is start calling out "Ell-buh?" And vice versa. They love each other. And I really can't describe what it's like to have two toddlers hugging and kissing me at once. They are snugglers and it's the best. The overwhelming times are always overpowered by the sweet moments.

I know I wrote all that weirdly and jumbled- some in past tense, some in present- because the boys are growing so quickly and some things are still issues while others are getting much easier already! I just know that someday, I'll forget what the last year was like, but I just wanted to document a few examples of why it was probably the craziest! Now, at age 2 and a half, the twins don't run off as much. They actually do pretty well at holding my hand most of the time! They are willing to play in the Fred Meyer free childcare area, so grocery shopping is a possibility now. They love going to nursery at church, and do well with babysitters. Diaper changing and getting dressed are still met with resistance, but not every time any more. Our last few trips to the library have been amazingly uneventful. They sit on my lap during story time! I am amazed at how much they have matured in the last year.

Though our lives are filled with craziness, we feel so blessed. Not everyone gets to experience twins, and it's still amazing to us that we do. Overwhelming as it may be at times, we know how lucky we are to have three healthy children. One day we will miss them being small, so we try to remember to embrace the messes and noise and exhaustion, and soak in all the sweetness of our little boys.